Sunday, 30 December 2007
We live backed by allotments so the opportunity is certainly there. Our neighbours constantly seem to suffer, although there are plently of cats in the area - one of our neighbours has 5!
For 16 of the 17 years we had cats too - Smudgie going to cat heaven this time last year and, while he evidenced that there were mice about, bringing little dead gifts back now and then, we had never had any in the house until last week, when I saw one.
A trip to B and Q ensued and I purchased a humane trap and 2 death traps ( poison bait). The children begged me not to use the death traps so we persevered with the humane one, really looking forward to the time we would then have to take the trapped mouse 'up to a kilometre away to release it' to ensure it wouldn't come back and hopefully all its friends and family would leave too in a grand expedition to find it.
The humane trap appeared to have a mind of its own however, and tricked us on numerous occasions into thinking we had caught the mouse. At one point the mouse had been in, eaten the bait and gone again before the trap politely shut, leaving me with Tom and Jerry images of accomplices and orphan mice etc.
So we gave up on the trap and didn't check it for a couple of days. The instructions say you are supposed to check it ever 6 hours so that the mouse, if captured does not become traumatised inside the trap.
On Friday evening, Joe came in to the living room to announce that the mouse had been caught, the trap was sprung and it felt heavy. I was astonished as I hadn't set the trap properly at all and certainly hadn't checked it since Weds Eve when Keith and I had decided to make 'other arrangements' mwahahahaha!
I was not going for a kilometre drive or walk so suggested the kids take it to the end of the garden to let it go.
Shock horror - the humane trap had become an inhumane trap and the mouse was ever so horribly dead. Joe gave a blow by blow description and we all felt sick, Elyse was broken hearted and Thomas was delighted to have found her Achilles Heel, whispering 'Dead Mouse' at every opportunity - kids are so cruel.
Friday, 28 December 2007
Thursday, 20 December 2007
Child in a manger born
I want to know you more.
Know you are near me,
Love you more dearly.
Jesus my Lord
I was talking to a friend who's church have a Crib service on Christmas Eve and she says the church is packed with families of the kids from the local school who never attend church at any other time - it's standing room only.
I guess we give our children permission to suspend realilty at Christmas Time and so I guess, for some kids, Jesus is just part of that package?
There was a small controversy over a song that our songsters sang this last week - Felice Navidad, as the words say,
Tuesday, 18 December 2007
Monday, 17 December 2007
Friday, 14 December 2007
Saturday, 8 December 2007
Monday, 3 December 2007
Sunday, 25 November 2007
If fact, ( see * 'The Problem Is') I don't think we have had a run of normality yet and with Christmas coming, I think it will be January before we recognise a routine.
The Sunday Programme is running nicely, folks are coming and going, some are using the opportunity to take stock and trying other things, but everyone is I think, on the whole, giving it a good old go.
The thing is, at home we really want Sunday to be different from other days so have said to the kids that the tele will not go on in the morning, we'll share a nice breakfast and or brunch depending on whether or not we go for the healthy walk we promised that we would try and do.
*The problem is that other Corps have their meetings and kids programmes in the morning and so, as I occaisionally need to visit them as part of my job, it means leaving the family to it and then bumping into them again either at home, halfway through FOJ ( Followers Of Jesus ) Club or in the afternoon service.
Anyway, all that aside, variety is the spice of life and ....all that.
So today our Corporate Worship was led by Majors Mike and Lynn Highton our Divisional Leaders and they were BUZZIN'. Mike was particularly in an energising kind of mood, but recognised early on that we, the congregation, needed to relax a bit, chill, let go etc
I get the feeling that we didn't ever really get that far and when a particularly challenging 'sound bite' ( I don't mean that, but you know what I mean) was issued, and there was no Halleujah in response, it was noted and I was sad. I'm not one for shouting Hallelujah, but I must admit, it has been a while since I heard one.
What I did hear though was a little boy shouting Hello a couple of times, which really made me want to laugh.
What does God want to hear us shout - an affirming exclaimation or a 'Hello, are you there?'OR a bit of both...and actually who does a yell of hallelujah affirm? Surely it's more than just a hear hear, or encore.
Where are all the people gone that shout Hallelujah or have they lost the fire that makes them want to verbally agree with an inspiring speaker delivering a word from the Lord and if so, then why?
Saturday, 24 November 2007
Monday, 5 November 2007
Tuesday, 30 October 2007
Sunday, 28 October 2007
I admit to being fundamental about ministry to kids, I guess it's how I've ended up doing what I do, but the following is an exerpt from Nicky Cruz's book ON HOLY FIRE, which was a wake up call to me and, as I said in an email to someone earlier on this evening, 'it just means that the responsibility we have is even more awesome that we initially thought!'
I will recommend this book to anyone who might be looking for reassurance that they are not the only one who feels passionate about 'God's Holy Spirit unleashing his power in your life, your church, you neighbourhood', it's not just about ministry to kids, infact it hardly is at all.
Nicky had a vision and here it is:
God...has shown me a coming time when the Holy Spirit will move in the quietness of the night and stir up our children as never before, They'll be like the young boy Samuel in the bible who ran to Eli because he didn't know whose voice was speaking to him in the darkness....
....God is calling our children to make a difference. He knows that so many of their parents have not fully surrendered their lives, their time and their energy...to his control, so he's calling the children of our time to fill the gap. My message to the parents of ( and for me today, those who work with) these precious children is this:
Do not stop them. It is God himself calling them. It is his fire, his Holy Spirirt, prepareing the way for the greatest transformation ever to take place in the world.
If this vision is going to be fulfilled, we are going to have to invest more heavily and work more intentionally in discipling our kids. It's no good waiting until they are 'older' and can begin to reason it all out. I'm not talking about brainwashing, I'm talking about taking the discipleship to children seriously, listening to them, letting them teach us, giving them time to explore when it's good for them, base the programme around their needs rather than how well in fits into what we want to do.
If God is calling our children - raising up an army made of those who are still young - then who is going to teach them how to recognise his voice?
Saturday, 27 October 2007
Today, we had a really great Brunch with Marks and Spencer food to begin the Birthday Day and it's at this point that I will welcome you to the world of mealtimes at the Hall House - Andy, if you're out there, you might need some protective clothing, it gets a bit random!
Whatever I cook and however lovingly I have prepared something, there is always someone who will, figuratively speaking, turn up their nose, and while I am proud to have bought up children who know their own mind and would say NO loudly to anyone who tried to get them into a car, a mealtime evaluation during the actual meal is sometimes hard to bear and I don't think it will be too long before I slide under the table never to return.
So this morning out table was groaning under the weight of Croissants made with real french butter, raspberries picked from the end of the rainbow,eggs especially manufactured to reduce colesterol, orange juice NOT from pulp, sausages subtely spiced with ...spice, bacon from a pig and mushrooms plus a variety of other accompaniments and specially lightly boiled egg for Thomas who is not keen on what is essentially a fry up, whatever fancy language you might choose to employ and so it started.
'Oh you should have done tomatoes'....'Where are the baked beans?'...'A jug of iced water would have been nice' and the piece the resistance, 'What about a chimpanzee on a unicycle?'
I have pinched myself repeately but I am awake.
Friday, 26 October 2007
I can see that there might be some confusion about my previous posting, in that it was essentially the first blog of the day today, but I began the posting prior to that in draft yesterday, posting it today, so TECHNICALLY it was posted today, even though it has Thursdays date on it!
Also, I have added a page element called Blogs I have Not Yet Written so that I don't forget to follow up some of these little seeds that have been sown over the last couple of postings.
And FINALLY, we did visit the babies today and I have to report that they are SO lazy, they even cry and drink their milk with their eyes closed.
Seriously though and what IS incredible is that if eveything had gone to plan, they still wouldn't actually be born yet!!
Here's a BLOB anyway.
Sex sells and selling sex has come to Romford. Just when you thought that the town centre really could stoop no lower,it seems we are going to be hosting a massive Sex Shop, descreetly named Night Thoughts ( nice, thanks for that) opposite WH Smith for goodness sake, in the shop that used to be ....shock horror....Littlewoods! (Mr Littlewood would be turning in his grave, if he was dead!)
Now I could rant and I guess people have, and I also guess that there are pros and cons to this that I haven't really had time to think through, but all I want to say today is that these guys really know how to sell the concept.
On the way into the Liberty Shopping Mall ( no longer just an arcade, because it now has LUSH) every column holding up the offices above the shops has a yellow and purple banner yelling out that Night Thoughts is coming. What has made me think though, is their tag line which is something like,
'Exclusively for the discerning man or woman of any persuasion'
So essentially ....for everyone (over 18 I guess)!
My relatively unimportant question, among the many questions that I assume have already been asked about this venture is how can it be exclusive if it's for everyone?
Ooooh another delicious seed for a new blog later on. Hold me accountable PLEASE!
Thursday, 25 October 2007
Here's a round up of stuff that's been happening in my world lately and hopefully it will give me some insight as to why I might be feeling like I do and what might be the next thing I need to think about/do/ react to/ instigate etc.
Firstly,I haven't been well and it's not really so as you'd notice, but I have found the effort of feeling less that 100% really irritating - or it could just be the onset of old age.I have been even less diligent around the house than normal because I've felt tired. I have been more snappy and less tolerant with the people I love. I have been wondering why people seem to make so much fuss about such daft things.
Those proof readers amongst you will notice that I have used firstly twice - which isn't a typo, it's to high light a thing that has quite literally driven me nuts lately, which came to a head only yesterday when we went on a family day out to Eagle Heights in Kent.
A really good afternoon out, even though it was very cold.
One of the many things that made it good was the number of shows programmed in during the day - falconry, reptiles, mammals etc, . The keepers were great and really knew their stuff, but we soon got to realise that there were a number of words they used INCESSANTLY, which were, 'Basically' , 'Before we start' and 'Firstly', even when we had quite obviously moved on to the second point.
For example, 'Welcome to the Reptile show and before we start ( BEFORE WE START ??) we are going to show you Billy the Boa'
Now this might have been a ploy to make us get excited about what was going to happen after we start, but in all honesty I felt sorry for Billy who was great entertainment, but was somehow in the overture rather than the main event.....not The Main Event, but hey, there's a thought for next time.
'Firstly, we are going to basically tell you about Billy and then we are going to bring him round for you to touch' Great - we love touching snakes...no really we DO!
'Ok so, firstly, before we start ( again) can I say that basically Billy....blah blah...' I lost the plot at that point.
So, after the Main Event, I had a day off which was really tough, as my brain was in complete overdrive so I didn't really benefit, which might be why I still feel odd. However the next day I visited a corps who were hosting an Ultimate Church Visit - open house at the Salvation Army for local schools. They had done a tremendous job in advertising and contacting schools and for three days the hall was packed with children learning about the Who,Where, What, Why and When of the Salvation Army.
I was involved with the History Zone and one group finished early, so I took them to look at the crest on the lecturn. There were all standing on the area in front of it which, for those not familiar with a Salvation Army Hall, is our formal place of prayer. I asked the children to step off and explained what it was and what we did there and they ( 12 of then) asked if they could pray.So I said yes, and it was amazing.They were reciting their school prayer, talking about pets and releatives who had died etc. The teacher came over to find out what was happening and she was really cool about it, which was a relief.
I loved that!
Our Corps are now out of our building and sharing the URC just round the corner and we have had a good old explore and it really is a sensational building - lots of places for the kids to run around and get lost prior to FOJ club!
Last Sunday was our first 'stand alone ' day, but as I had already driven 80 miles and run a Fun Morning at Colchester, I really couldn't settle to the new regime. There were also lots of people away on holiday, so it seemed really empty, but hey, the Holy Spirit doesn't head count and I felt really blessed towards the end of the service - it's going to be OK, it really is.
The other reason I may have been a bit edgy was that I felt quite tired after spending an amazing day with our friends Keith and Fiona. I think the last time we had quality time with them was when we went to America with them 18 months ago ( wow, time really does fly), so it was a well overdue event and we celebrated in style.
We went to watch the Mighty Arsenal play Bolton and it was my first trip to the Emirates Stadium. Initially I was underwhelmed to be honest, I mean it was exciting but I couldn't initally see how we would get in, which somehow seemed really important at the time. It was a bit like an ivory tower.
Anyway, once we were in, I have to say that for a place, it is cool, overwhelmingly huge and very RED! By the second half I had found my Football Voice - it's been longer than I can remember since I last went to a match, so I was initially a little shy (!) - and Arsenal won - yeay!
We then went back to their house, ate a massive Indian take away and watched the Rugby, which doesn't really come close to explaining why it was a good day - it just WAS!
UP to date, I am looking forward to spending another day with Joe, Elyse and Thomas today, probably shopping , but certainly visiting my sis on law and her baby twins who are still so tiny and I haven't yet seen both of them awake yet - maybe today??
We went to see Ratatouille yesterday - jury is out as far as I'm concerned, but the kids seemed to enjoy it.
So - there you go.
Having re read blog this for posting I notice that I have begun to use the word INITIALLY fairly often, which goes to show that vocabulary can be catching and illustrates a point Billy Connelly used to make in his show, that the more you take the mickey out of somebody for doing a certain thing, the more likely you are to begin doing that very thing yourself - so be warned.
As far as the title goes, I'm no nearer to discovering why it's important, but it might be the seed for a new blog at some point - even if it's only to stop Kirsty going mad at me about not blogging.
Monday, 8 October 2007
Wednesday, 3 October 2007
Wednesday, 26 September 2007
Even though I feel a bit poorly, and even though I was working, there were some truely priceless and unexpected moments when I actually cried because I was laughing SO much.
Laughing is good and I must do it more often.
Friday, 21 September 2007
If you have Facebook and are a friend of Jon you can check out some more pics there.
My other niece Libbie was very excited on the way to the hospital last night to visit. We had stopped at a red traffic light and she said,'Oh come on, we have to get there!' - she's 3. I had to explain that unless a baby was being born in the car, which it wasn't, we really did have to pay attention to the rules of the road! She also suggested driving over the roundabout rather than round it - Jon DON'T EVER let her learn how to drive - she's a speed demon!
So it was all very surreal when we arrived, Libbie was very full of beans, but Jon and Tracy were exhausted and Ellie and Daisie was just getting used to being out really.
They are tiny and pink, very calm and quiet and move in slow motion, at the moment. I guess gravity is a thing they are having to get used to.
Anyway, they are here and all is well.
Thursday, 20 September 2007
Monday, 10 September 2007
Tuesday, 4 September 2007
Sunday, 2 September 2007
Sunday, 26 August 2007
Wednesday, 8 August 2007
Wednesday, 1 August 2007
Following this up with a chat with one or two people I was challenged to consider that faith, or the appearance of it could sometimes be considered as a kind of lacking of spiritual responsibility. Does that way we attribute various things - inspiration, opportunities etc to God equate to us shirking some kind of responsibilty towards those 'things'
OR maybe it's easier to believe than doubt, because doubting means thinking and thinking means looking inside ourselves, dregging up stuff that just isn't pretty. Thinking means finding the time to explore the thoughts and sometimes time to do that is hard to come by. Thinking and doubting also means spending quality time with God....um...!
Does than mean that belief is the easy option then?- did the father of the possessed boy ( Mark 9 v 24))say 'Help my unbelief ' because he wanted an easier life? Did he somehow think it would be the right thing to say to make Jesus more likely to heal his son, particularly as Jesus has just seemed to have dispaired of the unbelief of the 'generation' ( v 19)? How different was his life and how much deeper was his faith after he witnesed a miracle...and would it be easier to believe after seeing something incredible like that.
Just musings you understand.
Friday, 27 July 2007
Summer Holidays wouldn't be complete without ice cream vans plying their trade and on the whole, I'm partial to a Mr Whippy, but on my terms!
So when the jingly bells echo down our road at the most inconvenient time - just before tea time, during tea time or when I have no money to hand out, it stikes fear into my heart.
It's not really the Ice Cream Man's fault, it's just that saying 'Not Today' to the children isn't as easy as just saying no because alongside the - IT'S NOT FAIR...YOU PROMISED ( I NEVER promise, I know what I'm like!) my children have this uncanny nack of being able to recite every time when I have done them out of an ice cream.
This is despite the fact that we have some really yummy cartons of the stuff in the freezer which they can have whenever they like - within reason of course, unless thay have lain a MASSIVE guilt trip on me about some other neglectful misdemenour.
The thing is, I like to be able to choose when I buy ice cream , in the same way that I like to choose what company to buy my gas and electricity, home insurance, car insurance, Accident Protection Insurance from.
That's all folks!
Friday, 20 July 2007
I really messed in my School Holiday Planning this year, writing in my diary that the Easter ones finished earlier that they actually did and that the Summer ones started later that they actually do. According to me, my kids don't break up 'til next Friday.
Anyway, Keith and I have done some amazing team work planning which means that our kids don't have to go and assist the roofers at school for the next week, which is good because it's probably against the law anyway and I really can't see what any learning outcomes might be...actually there's possibly loads to be honest but....nah!
I guess for any working mum that isn't a teacher and actually for working mums who are teachers (as they still have to work in the holidays) as the children run out of school full of plans for bike rides and swimming, all day long footy tournaments and picnics, our hearts sink as we (I) realise that I'm going to have to still say no sometimes, so what makes the holidays different to any other day?
Stop snivelling and pull yourself together - they'll survive!
I will over compensate, I guess, and give them some of the most fun filled, adventure packed moments they have ever shaken a stick at and do you know what?
Apart from getting a whole bunch of fulfilment from shaking a stick,they will still want to be in front of the tele in time for High School Musical 2 every time it is shown.
Mr Disney, I salute you!
Disney Channel from Friday 17th August!!
Thursday, 12 July 2007
Wednesday, 4 July 2007
Friday, 29 June 2007
The contestant has to advise the quizmasters that she/he will be having a shower and then anticipate a number of questions that will be asked, at random, through the bathroom door while the contestant is actually having a shower.
1) Where is my ........?
If you can correctly grasp what....is and know where it is just off the top of your head, bonus points can be earned here!
2)Have you seen a pencil?
Bonis points for an answer that isn't dripping with sarcasm.
3)Can I use the loo?
4) Is my watch in there?
5) Mum, I still can't find my.......
More of a comment that a question, but still a test none the less.
6)How do you spell Rapunzel?
7) Bye I'm going, love you!
Again another comment, but the trick here is to discren that it isn't just another question and respond with ' LOVE YOU TOO' rather than ' OH WHAT IS IT NOW!!!'
8) Something Thomas says.
Even face to face in the morning is tough for Thomas.
The trick here is not to worry that something has gone wrong, and just carry on with the shower. If you get out at this point to find out what is happeneing, you've lost, because they'll all be fine!
10) Can I adopt a dophin?.
Another good game is: Get the contestant to sit in front of a mirror and begin drying their hair. The quizmasters rush in and jump around on the bed asking questions, which is a sneaky trick and you really have to focus here, so that later they absolutely CANNOT invoke ' YOU PROMISED!' against you.
An adaptation of this game is where the contestant has to work out what the quizmasters are saying by lip-reading backwards in the mirror.
Turning the hair dryer off at this point is a sign of weakness and leads to a bad hair day and then EVERYONE SUFFERS!!
Would this be funnier if it weren't true?
Thursday, 28 June 2007
How it didn't hit me, I do not know, but it clipped the guy beside me and caused a whole bunch of chaos behind.
Two cars in front of me was an open backed lorry with all kinds of stuff hanging off it, and the guy beside me put on a spurt of speed to catch up and force it into a layby. I didn't look after that!
Iwas also abused by guesture and word on the way home..... for sticking to the speed limit - ho hum!!
Wednesday, 20 June 2007
I am actually quite nervous now and have been advised that I am now in the ZERO tolerance zone - even 1mph over a limit with evidence to prove it and I think it's a hanging offence!
Tuesday, 19 June 2007
There were Kids, they were Alive ( and continued to be until home time, after that, I have no further knowledge, but assume all is well) and they were Outside - job done!
It rained, but not as heavily as the great storm of numpty nump, so we still have a legend to beat, but it was an awesome weekend.
Kids pushing the boundaries both physically and spiritually, some amazing challenges and activities, great teaching, stupendous worship ( well, I enjoyed it!), more than enough food ( phew), cooks who had it all under control, tuck to die for ( and smartly bagged too) great sharing with kids and adults alike and a bit of a tan to top it all off, but not quite dark enough to hide the MASSIVE bruise I sustained when falling out of a canoe in inappropriate attire.You should really read the kit list and follow the instructions the DCO gives you and remember that the activities are primarily for the children!
We have room for 80 kids, so friends in London North East - look out for the publicity for next year's event - it's already provisionally booked for the 20 - 22nd June 2008.
Friday, 15 June 2007
Sunday, 10 June 2007
One could argue that many parents have trouble responding to the identity development of their children and become disengaged and disconnected from the thoughts and feelings of their offspring. Clearly if parents and schools are not offering meaningful forms of identity formation (i.e., membership) and negotiability then children will likely seek communities and economies of meaning outside of it.
Elyse got a DS for Christmas and to add a 'fun for all the family' factor we bought the Brain Training pack. My brain age has gone from 75 -28 and hovered places inbetween depending how tired or stressed I'm feeling, but one of the cute things about the game is that it gives you handy hints on how to improve your brain activity 'in the real world'.
One of the tips? Get out and talk to people!
As well as being a good way to maintain relationships, it also exercises your prefrontal cortex.
So, I have been sucked into the world of Facebook, but I think I prefer to blog - I'm just a gobby girl.
Wednesday, 6 June 2007
· God is our strength – Here’s a radical “so what?” With the Spirit of God inside, you can stop praying prayers like, “God, please give me strength.” The fact is, he is your strength. Your prayers can move toward allowing his strength to transform you. (Strength is just an example here – this also applies to wisdom, peace, joy, etc.)
· Up close and personal – God is not a distant God. His spirit is working within you. Paul suggests this is a down payment on the eternity to come, but it also shows that God values intimate relationship over rules or religion.
· Expect God to work in you – You are “God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works ….” (Ephesians 2:10a NIV) Don’t hope that he’s at work in you; expect him to work in you, transforming you into a reflection of Christ. Ask God where he’s working in you, and then expect him to show you.
From todays Purpose Driven Reading - bold is mine, seems significant?!
Saturday, 2 June 2007
After an eclectic week balancing going to work with actually being at home most of the week, I have a hour of solitude, while Keith has taken our progeny to the driving range - golf, not cars.
I imagine they will have a great time, but the reality is that there might be lots of rowing and misunderstanding going on and two enranged 8 years olds swinging golf clubs in anger against a dad who is laughing and a big bro. who is cringing with embarassment could get messy.
The last words I heard my daughter say as they all trailed out of the front door were something like ' It's not a competition is it, I mean it's just to get better isn't it?' and that would not have been for her benefit, she would have been announcing it to her brothers just in case they thought someone was going to be a 'winner'. Anyway, I'm not there to see it so... tra la!
So, I have the luxury of flicking though the Daily Mail that I bought in Tescos this morning and I have to say, it's a riviting read.
Damien Hirst has unvieled his latest creation called FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, a platinum cast of some skull he bought from a taxidermists and then encrusted in 8,601 flawless, ethically sourced diamonds - so it's fair trade too. He said' I was slightly worried that we would end up with an Ali G ring. You want it to be flawless,like a diamond'
Why the title though? There is actually no mention of that in the article.
Maybe the answer lies in another quote if his, 'I hope it makes the people who see it feel good, that it's uplifting, that it takes their breath away'
Read into that what you will - rest assured I'm going to be having some very sparkley nightmares.
It seems that the RSPB are banning the use of the word cock to describe a male bird for fear of offending some of their more 'delicate subscibers' and the Scout's Forest Chapel has been torn down after 70 years because it might offend non Christians. Now that headline was carefully thought out because it is supposed to entice the reader into thinking that a bunch of thugs had gone in and desicrated it. It was actually demolished properly and in it's place - a camp fire setting. I'm not saying it's right, but to sensationalise it really isn't ( I know, buy a better paper than the MAIL for proper news)
Oh, what IS the world coming to?
And then there's Big Brother and a very intersting article by an undercover reporter who nearly made the final cut as a housemate.If what she writes is to be believed then what a twisted and abusive production team runs THAT show, like you hadn't realised already. Goodness I thought my last posting was dark and murky, but they take the biscuit ( whatever that means)
Finally, further to becoming a CRIM for doing 57 mph in a 40 mph zone ( road works on the A13, not a residential area, but it's still wrong so I am sorry!) I had to get my picture taken for a new driving licence, as the old paper one went into the washing machine ( not at the same time as my phone I hasten to add!) and actually - it's not half bad!!
The young lady in the booth before me was getting one done for her passport - I knew this because her flustered dad was saying, 'Oh come on, it's only for your passport' and she was on her final chance to get it right before having to pay another £3.50. I helpfully said,'Well she will have it for 10 years' and from behind the curtain a hand extended with a thumbs up. We all laughed hahahahahahaha!
Yep....still quiet... aahh lovely :)
Wednesday, 30 May 2007
To my lovely friends who ‘read between the lines’ I’m ok, this has been helpful.
To my lovely friends, and the rest of the world who I don’t know, that this might help come to some conclusions, fill your boots!
What prompts us to hold onto things after the cause has:
apparently been forgotten
said sorry but didn’t really mean it, in our opinion,
or even died?
My intension was to post purely about CONTROL but it occurred to me that our desire to control ourselves, situations, relationship etc.etc, is possibly/ quite probably a symptom of something else that is eating away at us, but that we just can’t begin to or just don’t want to rationalise, vocalise, visualise. Also, I don’t think that I have enough experience of it if I’m honest, and looking at my question, I can see that the conclusion of this blog is not going to be at all fulfilling unless I go somewhere dark and murky first .
I don’t put myself into the set of people known as Control Freaks and I don’t think many people who know me would say that I am controlling or even am in control for much of the time.
I am a reactive kind of person, it’s very freeing, almost a relinquishing of responsibility really, and am not proud of that either. I am intentionally training myself to have more of a plan, not just for my day to day work, but for my day to day LIFE, so I have the intention to be more in control, but the desire to be in control eludes me.
I wonder if that’s because, at the end of the day
I don’t want to be responsible when it all goes wrong!!
See…. a dark and murky place.
*1 Funny though, that I beat myself up frequently, because so often I think that it all goes wrong anyway, so there must be some other reason that control eludes me.
*1Added after 50th proof read
This post is an exercise in CONTROL. I am typing it in WORD first, rather than just rattling it off as a quick post and I have to say, that it’s quite an enlightening, if actually alarming way of exploring an issue. It will make for a long posting though.
During my NVQ course I touched minutely on Child Psychology and one of the theories is that the adult characteristics we grow into, are as a direct result of the events we experienced as a child – it’s not Brain Surgery*2, to see that, in many cases, that’s true – might not be true for everybody but it probably is and there we have it:
Isn’t that what control is about?
Modifying our behaviour to mask or deny what’s really the issue.
*2The traditional comparison here might be ‘it’s not Rocket Science’, but it has been pointed out to me that Rocket Science is actually quite easy – equal and opposite forces, thrust and fuel, whereas Brain Surgery is actually much harder. In my imaginary world where everything revolves around me, and everyone in the world reads my blog, doctors will now adore me, physicists will not – ho hum.
So, as the topic of forgiveness seems to be one that continues to pepper my thoughts, posting and comments on other people’s blogs, I’m wondering if being able to forgive, or actually being unable to forgive, is something that becomes the cement in a wall that we build around ourselves to keep control.
As a person who really doesn’t have the time to explore many complex issues (‘That’s an excuse!’ I hear all you psychologists in the world who are monitoring my blog shout), maybe that’s my externally imposed control…yeah, a posh phrase for EXCUSE. I don’t want to explore complex issues, so I’ll get married *3, have 3 children and a variety of pets, think about maintaining a long garden, have a job that’s mental at times, be active in my church and get a blog.
*3 It was our 19th wedding anniversary on the 28th May, and for Keith’s prezzie, I taught him how to create a blog – he’s ever so grateful.
So, I think that actually, forgiveness is an issue, not just for me, but for lots of people, and there are SO many ways of dealing with the consequences of needing some kind of forgiveness or being able to be forgiving, but just not being able to become vulnerable enough to ‘go there’ .
So at the end of this posting, I have discovered that the actual issue for me is it that when push comes to shove, I just don’t like confrontation, so someone says ‘sorry’, in a round about way, and I say ‘that’s ok’ when actually it isn’t, life goes on and XYZ years later…it still comes up sometimes.
( I won’t be pre - posting in word again by the way, far too scary )
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