Invisible or Transparent.

This snappy title has been rolling around in my head for a while when our meetings were about Faith. AM Unbelief and PM Exposure.

My morning thought was about a quote which suggested something along the lines of - the more doubts we have, the deeper our faith is, the less we doubt the shallower our faith is. I was distracted by that for a moment.I get the concept, but was prompted to to think about friends who have the gift of faith and just don't doubt for a moment. Some of them have pretty deep faith. I guess there is always an exception.

Following this up with a chat with one or two people I was challenged to consider that faith, or the appearance of it could sometimes be considered as a kind of lacking of spiritual responsibility. Does that way we attribute various things - inspiration, opportunities etc to God equate to us shirking some kind of responsibilty towards those 'things'

OR maybe it's easier to believe than doubt, because doubting means thinking and thinking means looking inside ourselves, dregging up stuff that just isn't pretty. Thinking means finding the time to explore the thoughts and sometimes time to do that is hard to come by. Thinking and doubting also means spending quality time with God....um...!

Does than mean that belief is the easy option then?- did the father of the possessed boy ( Mark 9 v 24))say 'Help my unbelief ' because he wanted an easier life? Did he somehow think it would be the right thing to say to make Jesus more likely to heal his son, particularly as Jesus has just seemed to have dispaired of the unbelief of the 'generation' ( v 19)? How different was his life and how much deeper was his faith after he witnesed a miracle...and would it be easier to believe after seeing something incredible like that.

Just musings you understand.

However the evening meeting prompted the blog title, as we were thinking about having our faith/motivation/everything exposed before God, to be totally transparent.

I have to admit to sometimes feeling like a complete fraud. I feel totally transparent and exposed and assume that everyone else knows more than I do, has more experience than me, is better qualified ( NOT hard!) and can really see me for what I am. Now it might just be my hormones that cause this occasional paranoia and maybe it's God's way , if He works like this, of keeping me humble, but it's jolly uncomfortable

I once had a friend who did really well in her her job and got promoted really fast and we all congratulated her. 'How did you manage in the interview?' we asked. Her response I BLUFFED!!

Sometimes I feel like I'm bluffing!

Of course, there is the 'transparent' that means we are totally honest, our motives are pure and we have left a trail of accountability for all to see. The problem here is that even if WE think we are like that, we will always be judged by other people's standards and motives will always be questioned.

Sorry this is a bit of a gloomy blog, and I haven't been 'misunderstood' lately, that I'm aware of, to promp this angst, it's just how I feel.

Then I read Cedric's blog about the beauitiful and transparent building that is IHQ ( The Salvation Army's International Headquarters)

A building that can be seen into and out of but how much impact does what goes on there have on the people that walk past it everyday? Might it just as well be INVISIBLE?

Might I just as well be invisible? Might you?

There might be a part two to this at some point as this still feels unfinished and illusive, but I was fed up of it being in my draft box!